A Fathers Perspective on Birth

Becoming a dad has always been a dream of mine, but it wasn’t an easy road.

My wife and I spent over four years trying to have a baby. It was a journey filled with hope, setbacks, and a lot of waiting. Looking back now, I truly believe miracles do happen. My father passed away just over 14 months ago, and he left me enough to cover our IVF journey, something that ultimately made it all possible.

We were incredibly lucky, but also very aware of how slim our chances were. Two eggs. One viable embryo. One shot.

And with a little bit of magic, and maybe someone looking down on us… it worked.

From that moment on, fatherhood felt closer, but still a long way off. Every IVF appointment, every scan, every test, every passing week felt like another small step forward. Then in February 2026, we began a five-week hypnobirthing course with Gemma.

To be honest, I knew absolutely nothing. I didn’t understand birth, the female body, or even what a placenta was. But those five weeks changed everything. One of the biggest things I learned was this, we need to share the good stories. Birth doesn’t always have to be scary, it can go right.

And ours did.

What really stood out to me from the classes was understanding what was actually happening during labour, knowing that each surge had a purpose, and that my role wasn’t to fix anything, but to support, reassure, and stay calm. We learnt simple things, breathing and presence, but in the moment, those things became everything.

It was the morning just before 38 weeks when my wife came in and said, “I think I’m having contractions… but I’m not sure.” She messaged our midwife, someone who, by this point, had become more like family than a healthcare provider. She gave us so much confidence and calm from the very beginning.

As the day went on, the contractions became stronger and closer together. By 4pm, we were on our way to Tauranga Hospital, a one-hour drive. And yes… we stopped for a cheeky McDonald’s cheeseburger on the way. (I was silently praying the drive-thru line wasn’t too long!)

Even in the car, we found ourselves using what we had learnt, keeping things calm, talking through each surge, focusing on breathing, and not letting panic creep in.

When we arrived, my wife was already 5cm dilated. We settled into the room, dimmed the lights, put on some calming music, and created a peaceful space, just like we had talked about in class.

Four hours later, she was 9cm dilated and ready for the birthing pool.

By that point, everything we had learnt, along with the videos we had watched of natural home births and water births, gave me a real sense of reassurance. It all felt familiar, calm, and exactly how it was meant to be.

Things intensified quickly, but thanks to what we had learned, I knew this was a good sign. I understood that intensity meant progress. Our midwife kept reassuring us that everything was progressing beautifully, that baby was doing well, and that my wife was doing an incredible job.

Instead of feeling helpless, I knew I had a role, reminding her to breathe, keeping the environment calm, being present, and just holding her hand when she needed it most.

Just over  two hours after getting into the birthing pool, with only gas for pain relief, our baby arrived.

Our little miracle. A beautiful, healthy 8-pound baby girl.

Watching my wife bring our daughter into the world is something I will carry with me forever. Just when I thought I couldn’t love her more, that moment proved me wrong.

Now, nearly one week into life as a family of three, being a “girl dad” is the greatest title I’ve ever had.

To the other dads out there, be involved. Ask the questions. Be present. The biggest thing I learnt is that you’re not just there to watch, you’re there to support, to lead the calm, and to be her safe place. Hold her hand. Back her. Support her in whatever way she needs… even if that means stopping for McDonald’s on the way to the hospital.

And what I’ve taken from it all is this, birth doesn’t have to be something to fear.

With the right support, the right mindset, and the right preparation, it can be something really positive. And for us… it truly was.